For this part of the story, I put on a disclaimer now.  This particular event was probably one of the most bizzare things that happened to us in Key West.  So, if you're offended in any way by the topic of a "Gentleman's Club",  or the seedy things that could go on in such a place, read no further.

However, if I've interested you, I'll try to keep it PG-13 and read on:

Smitty had told us about this particular club we should check out.  Sure, there were other "Gentleman's Clubs" on Duval Street, but this place was where the locals were.  After all, if we wanted to hang out with tourists, we'd stay home.  Smitty highly recommended this place, and since we found him to be such an interesting character on the boat trip, we figured we'd take his word for this place. 

Smitty must have lived for diving...he drove a dive boat and hung out in a dive.  This place was an absolute dump.  The $5 cover at this place should have told us it wasn't high class.  As soon as we walked through the beads that hung in the doorway, I was reminded of some seedy sleazeball's room from the 1970's...disco ball, velvet carpet, and the works.  The clientele was a little to be desired as well. 

Several things struck me about this place that really started off the experience on a bad note...

Please keep in mind that the only time I go to these places is for bachelor parties, which is once in a blue moon, but we figured we were 1200 miles from home, who cares.  Aside from the smell of stale cigars and cheap cologne, the first few dancers were absolutely miserable.  When you go to a club like this, you have to have a sense of humor, and come up with creative ways for the ladies to take your money.  Frankly, if I"m giving a dollar to someone with this low of self esteem, they better earn it...this isn't welfare, ladies.

However the ladies at this particular club had other ideas.  They came over, shook their assets in front of you and basically said "Give me money."  Yes, it's only a buck, but have a little more personality.  You live in Key West for crying out loud...if you're that miserable and bland there, you need to move somewhere else.

So, after several of these dancers came out all acting the same way, I was irritated, and figured my money was no longer good enough for them.  However, Steve, Larry and Cory could have cared less.  Some of the dancers weren't awful looking, but they weren't the most gorgeous women I'd ever seen either...you could tell this life had done a number on them.

One dancer in particular caught the eye of the boys.  She looked exotic...flourescent orange bikini, and probably more plastic in her than a Macy's Thanksgiving Parade Float.  She had obviously had so much work done, she could have been a different person once...perhaps someone like Steve, Larry, Cory and I.  No natural born female could have looked like that.  It was almost creepy.  Of course, some of the guys in the place were drooling like wolves over a buffalo carcass.

The next dancer came out after the plastic princess, and she had some meat on her bones.  Not a little, but a "You need a new profession" amount.  Sadly for her, a lot of the guys got up and walked away from the stage...I kind of felt bad for her, but then again, she had to know she didn't look too swift.  Not to mention, someone who wants to put themself in that kind of position can't be that smart to begin with.

So, needless to say, we'd had enough, and we decided it was time to leave.  Steve, Cory and I went outside and got in the car.  Larry needed to go to the bathroom, so we waited for him.

He came out and hopped in the car. 

"You won't believe what I just heard in there."

"What??" came the reply from the three musketeers...

"One guy just offered another guy 50 bucks for a (use your imagination.)"

"Are you kidding????"

"Nope...he was being serious too."

So after a good laugh, we started to drive off when Larry sees the two lovebirds walk out of the building.  At the top of his lungs he yells "HEY!!!! 50 BUCKS!!!!"

Of course they knew exactly what he was talking about, and they took offense, yelling a statement right back that I don't dare utter here.

Larry's reply to them topped all replies they could have ever come up with : **** You, You ******* ****OTT!!!  I'll cut off your head and wear it as a hat through three states!!!!!

Honestly, if they'd have followed us, killed us, and chopped us into bits, I wouldn't have been surprised.  But at the time, we didn't care...our guts were busting from laughter.  What a night.