The Good German Shepard
July 25, 2007 - 4:44pm — Corys_Stories
I’m sitting around a table with a bunch of friends and we are shooting the breeze and telling jokes. Now, first of all, I am the worst joke teller. But, I love telling humorous stories, just like Bill Cosby. Most of the ‘Cory’s Stories’ are a mixture of short stories and tall tales. I love hooking the audience, reeling them in, and then throwing them back to the sharks.
One of my favorite stories a good buddy once told me years ago, was so good, I’ve been retelling it over and over again. I’d like to share it with you. Mostly because I seem to retell it to the same people, so senility must be kicking in. My friends actually let me tell the whole story, then when I get to the ‘punchline’ they don’t react, and that’s when I think I’m losing my touch. But it’s there way of telling me, ‘you need new material’.
Here’s the set up. Make sure there’s a group of at least 5 people and the victim has to be of the opposite sex of the person telling the story. Also, make sure that person/victim is sitting next to the storyteller. You have to be smooth when starting the story, so the audience doesn’t think it’s a joke. Bring up the topic of psychics, palm readers and the whole crystal ball gypsies thing. Ask questions to your audience in the beginning, like ‘have you ever gone to a psychic?’ or ‘do you guys believe in psychics’?
Then, start pressing your friends for some psychic stories. Generally, someone has at least one experience. Let them tell their story first. Then casually sail into your story.
Something along these lines…. “I was at a party, and they hired a psychic to come in for a side show entertainment. I didn’t believe in them, but noticed the psychic was sitting all alone, so I went over to have my palm read, just for fun. She actually was pretty good. Telling me some stuff about my past, present and interesting things to come up in the near future. After she was done, I thanked her, got up and started to leave.”
This is where you start drawing in your audience. You have to be really swift when telling this story. I’ll feed you the lines…. “As I turned away from her booth, the psychic asked me if I believed in reincarnation. I looked puzzled at her and said, ‘not really, why?’ She goes on by asking me if I want to know ‘what I was in a former life’. Since there was no one around, I approached her booth again, and said ‘sure, I’ll bite’. She says ‘how ironic, because YOU were a DOG in a former life.’ I laugh and say ‘that’s a good one’ and she tells me to sit down, she needs to ask me a few more questions.”
Depending on how you’re telling this story, you should have the full attention of all of your suckers, I mean listeners by now. Go on with…. “The psychic then asks me, ‘would you like to know what breed of dog you were?’ I am really interested, but half chuckling, and I tell her to tell me. She continues by saying, ‘you were a German Shepard’. I’m delighted because I thought she was going to say a Shitzu or a mutt.”
“Happily, I thank her and get up to leave again, when she throws the third and final question at me. ‘would you like to know HOW YOU DIED?’ Oh man, she’s good. So, I say ‘what the heck, you only live once, right?’ Wrong! She informs me that I died a hero. I took a bullet for my owner. My mouth drops to the floor. She says it was during the time of the Civil War, and a confederate soldier and a union soldier were at gun point and when the South fired you leaped up in front of your owner and took a bullet, and he, in turn shot the Confederate. Now, I’m beside myself in awe. And, pretty happy that I was on the union side. I lean back into my chair, and she leans forward towards me and whispers, ‘if you don’t believe me, that’s fine. But you took the bullet behind the ear, and if you take your index finger and poke behind your lobe you’ll feel an indentation.”
Here’s where you get your victim sitting next to you. “ And, sure enough, I felt behind my ear and there was a gap.” As you are telling the story, actually mimic the motion of feeling behind your ear and lean over towards the victim and say, “ No kidding, feel for yourself..” Most of the time, they are a little reluctant. (unless they are drinking) So, urge them to do it and when they go for your ear, let out the loudest WOOF or BARK you can possibly yelp. It gets them almost every time. Many times someone at the table falls to the floor…usually in laughter. Sometimes I fall to the ground, with a black eye. Oh, it’s worth it.
Here's another classic TAIL.... http://storytrax.com/node/785
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