One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth, but he had no scuba gear.

 

The diver went below another 10 feet, but the guy joined him a minute later. The diver went below 15 more feet, a minute later, the same guy joined him.

 

This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?"

 

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!"

• Tell your instructor you will race him to the surface.
• Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.
• Loudly proclaim that safety stops are for "pansies".
• Show up with a set of tables based on your own algorithm "that's WAY better".
• Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.
• Ask your instructor, which fin goes on which foot.
• Tell your instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder with 2000 pounds of air in it.
• When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of travel brochures.

• He gives you the "wait here" sign and you are still on the boat?
• He "forgets" to close your dry suit zipper?
• When you give him the out of air signal, he passes you his snorkel?
• When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on his slate "I'll get you some" and swims off?
• You give him the "OK" signal and he gives you the finger?
• He spits in your mask for you, but you haven't taken it off yet?