A regular statement posed an awful lot to me is, “you should be a comedian”.  Of course, the person stating that comment, I believe, is intending for it to be a compliment and not a sarcastic blow. But I have to laugh inside because I’m thinking to myself, “Okay, I thought I was.”  There’s no doubt that the best job that I have is being a cartoonist.  By being a cartoonist, I am tying in all 5 jobs that I really love and want to do.  Check it out.  As a cartoonist, I am an illustrator, writer, comedian, actor and a director. What a great gig!

 

Making people laugh with my cartooning is a fun task.  The best cartoons are the ones that hit a kinda personal ‘inside joke’ with the reader.  Most of the time, it’s something in the cartoon speech bubbles that remind them of relatives, friends or co-workers. They cut the strip out of the paper and tape it to either the fridge or in their cubicle at work.  Those are the best!  Gary Larson, of the Far Side fame, was a master at that.  People used to tear out his comic strips and wallpaper them all over their houses. Even to this day, years after his retirement…or sabbatical…Far Side calendars are still being made each year.  And, selling like hotcakes.  It’s all old stuff. But like an Alzheimer’s patient, I read them and piss myself laughing, acting like I’ve never seen them before.  When, in reality, I’ve probably read them 100 times.  Now, that’s funny.

 

Another way that I get to make people smile is by playing a sports mascot. ( please be sure to read a few of my stories about that fun job titled IT’S NOT EASY BEING GREEN ) Being a mascot is another great job, because I get to do a lot of physical comedy.  Most mascots do not talk, so I rely on good old-fashioned pantomiming and slap stick.  The mascot thing came really easy to me.  That has lots to do with my cartooning background. When I was a kid, I’d draw a cartoon character. Then, I’d try to build a 3D puppet out of the cartoon with all sorts of materials I’d find around the house.  Okay, and lots of mom’s Tupperware.  When I was in 4^th grade, I drew a fire fox for an art contest that our local fire department was running.  I won first place.  I was happy with the trophy and the $50 savings bond.  But then they made a life size mascot out of it.  That was incredible.  I thought I was Walt Disney reincarnated. He is dead right?  

 

But stand up comedy?  Do I have what it takes?  I’ve been cursed with the gift of gab, or is it jabbed with the gift of curse?  But, can I be funny all of the time?  I think my epitaph is going to read, HE DIED LAUGHING.  Either that or IF YOU CAN READ THIS, YOU ARE STANDING ON MY NOSE.  Oh, to be funny 8 days a week.  I realize that I’m funny looking, so I’ve got that going for me, but my looks ain’t gonna get me booked in the clubs.  Maybe the Chippendales club, but not the comedy clubs. 

 

Having the perfect face for radio, I’ve actually scripted out a radio show called HELP ME MAKE IT THROUGH THE NIGHT. It’s a show for insomniacs, 3^rd trickers and college students trying to stay up to complete their final reports.  I would mostly play an assortment of Dr. Demento stuff.  I’d have lots of song spoofs and even broadcast some of the 75 parodies that I’ve written over the years. Besides playing Weird Al and Ray Stevens music, I’d tell lots of humorous stories, jokes and even make up characters that would visit the radio station.  What fun! Yep, besides hearing voices in my head, I also ‘do’ voices. Mel Blanc was another hero of mine.  “What’s up, Doc?” You must realize, the opening theme music would be Ray Steven’s version of Help Me Make it Through the Night.  Have you ever heard it?  Oh, it’s much better than Kris Kristofferson’s rendition. Perhaps a short radio program would be the right kind of lifter I would need.  I’m actually talking with some of my DJ buddies about it.  

 

I’ve always loved going to the comedy clubs, but thought it would be such a demanding schedule and a cut-throat job and a sleepless life. Hey, I’m a lover not a fighter.  So, I actually started emailing a comedian I saw perform about 6 years ago.  He and I have similar stories. He basically told me, if he could do it, anybody could.  I have been invited to host a few roasts in the past couple of years, which is another avenue to writing.  The trick with ‘roast’s is busting chops of the certain individual, but with a great deal of respect.  The Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts from the 1970’s were classic.  The Friar’s Club Roasts nowadays are just down right vulgar.  By the way, I am proud to say that both of the roasts that I hosted went off rather well. There wasn’t a dry eye or a dry pair of pants in the hall.  That’s namely because I play senior centers.  Of course, the people I was roasting took me out of their wills and haven’t spoke to me since. Look, mom, I said I was sorry. Ha! I’m dead.

 

I don’t know how many more years of mascoting I have ahead of me.  My tank is about ½ full anymore, which is why I thought sitting down and telling jokes would be a great job.  A sit com!  Ha!  Storytrax has really got me writing again. Thanks, Uncle!  Besides typing on the keyboard and playing the piano all the time, my hands and fingers curl much more downward now, making me look like a fruit cake or a grizzly holding his claws out for an attack.  By writing all these stories, I’m remembering lots of good stuff and will have a couple scrap books filled with funny material.